Meet the Reaper
by Artemis Day
Summary: Where do we go after death anyway? The cast of Death Note is about to find out as one by one, they face Death...who isn't particularly happy to see any of them. Sometimes it's hard being a Grim Reaper. Spoilers and VERY SLIGHT crossover with Harry Potter


**A/N: So this story is kind of a spin-off of my Harry Potter fic 'In Time'. You do not have to read it to understand this story, all you need to know is this: Harry has died prematurely several times which looks bad on his grim reaper's record. So Max (the Grim Reaper in question) is not overly fond of young Harry.**

**Other than that, you should have no problem understanding this story. **

_******_

Maximillion 'Max' Caldwell, Grim Reaper, was having a bad day. First, he was late for work. Next, the coffee machine was broken and would take several hours to fix. And finally, there seem to be a mutant raccoon sitting in his office.

Max eyed the strange young man who was ignoring him in favor of a spoon he had gotten from God-Knows-Where.

"Is something wrong Mr. Caldwell?" L asked looking up.

Max sighed, "I'm fine, I'm just tired and I don't have my coffee."

"I wasn't aware that the dead could get tired, that's very strange."

'_Look who's talking.' _Max thought, "Here in Limbo we can, and that's why we drink coffee."

"There's a 87 percent chance that consuming too much caffiene will do more damage to your body than anything else." L answered emotionlessly.

Incredulity filled the air.

"What damage? I'm dead."

L simply bit into his thumbnail, "Perhaps, but if a person can sleep in limbo surely they can get sick also."

"No, no we can't." Max answered dismissively. This guy was really getting on his nerves.

"That makes no sense." L answered matter-of-factly.

"It's limbo, it doesn't have to make sense."

"Uh huh…still, in fact of the matter is that while caffeine can help one stay awake, there are negative side effects to over consumption such as-"

"I really don't care." Max interrupted him, at this point not really caring how rude he sounded either.

L however, remained unfazed:

"Such as recklessness, anxiety, heartburn, headaches, nausea…"

Max just stared at him incredulously, "Headache…NAUSEA?! I'M DEAD YOU IDIOT!! I DON'T GET ANY OF THOSE THINGS!!"

"Irritability…" L ticked off with his fingers.

"GAAAAAH!"

**  
SEVERAL YEARS LATER

"Did it at any point during this whole situation occur to you that might be a bad idea to say to twenty armed men, "You won't shoot me'? I mean, did that thought strike you at all?"

The redheaded young man glanced up from his handheld game and looked thoughtful.

"…Well, now that you mention it…"

Max began repeatedly slamming his head against his desk.

**  
ONE CONCUSSION LATER

"So I believe last time around, we had a discussion about not doing stupid reckless things anymore. With that in mind, can you please tell me what the Hell you were thinking when you didn't check to make sure that girl didn't have any pieces of the notebook on her?"

The blonde glared angrily, "I already told you why."

"Well that certainly wasn't a good reason. I mean, it ended in your death. You could have caught Kira much easier if you had just taken my advice and worked with-"

"Don't. You. Finish. That. Sentence." Mello seethed, knocking his chair over as he violently stood up, "Or else I'll shove that coffee mug down your goddamn throat!"

Max, having learned long ago how to hide fear from departed souls, simply laced his fingers together.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to offend you."

"Whatever." Mello spat out, "I'm outta here."

The blonde turned on a heel and walked out. Leaving his increasingly annoyed reaper to follow. As Mello passed Max's secretary, the young woman turned her gaze toward him.

"What the fuck are you looking at?!" Mello snapped at the poor woman.

Ellie immediately looked away and muttered an apology.

As the angry young man stomped down the hall, Ellie stared fearfully at her boss.

"That Death God was right," She said, "He _is _scary."

**  
SEVERAL SECONDS LATER

Max returned to his office to find a familiar looking young woman waiting for him.

"Kiyomi Takada?" Max asked.

She nodded mutely.

Max sighed and sat back down. Her file already waiting for him on his desk. He pursued it's contents briefly, whispering to himself every now and again while Takada waited for him to speak.

"Hmmm…not a very fulfilling life…worshipping false Gods, that's not good. Not good at all."

If Takada wanted to protest that, she kept her mouth shut. Max was grateful for that, he'd had to deal with far too many Kira worshippers lately then he'd have liked.

"Let's see here…oh, uh. Miss Takada, it seems there are some people who want to see you."

Before the young woman could question what that meant, the door was thrown open by a group of extremely furious looking teenage girls. All of them wore shirts baring the legend 'Rabid Mello Fangirl'.

"THERE SHE IS, GET HER!!!!" The leader screamed, pointing at Takada.

Her eyes widened,

"Ooooooooooh shi-"

**  
ONE BRAWL LATER

Max decided that he'd deal with a thousand Kira supporters before he dealt with this dumbass again.

"Alright." He said through gritted teeth, "We're going to try this one more time."

The dark haired man nodded eagerly at the Grim Reaper, who held up a picture of a young Japanese man.

"This is Light Yagami. He is a detective working on the Kira case. He currently acts as L. Secretly he is Kira. He is _not God_. Do. You. Understand?"

Teru Mikami nodded, "Uh huh, I understand."

"Good." Max answered hoping to God that this freak was finally getting it. He put the picture of Light down and grabbed another photo, almost identical to the first one, "Now who is this?"

Mikami grinned, "Why it's God of course!"

"AAAAARGH!!!!!" Max shrieked as he jumped over his desk and lunged towards the former lawyer.

**

SEVERAL MANDATORY ANGER MANAGEMENT COURSES LATER

"And THAT'S how I would have become God of the New World."

'The keyword being 'would' Max thought, "Uh huh, that's fascinating."

"I could have done it too, if it weren't for those stupid successor's of L's." Light Yagami fumed.

Max noted that it sounded more like Light was trying to convince himself than Max.

"You realize of course that you have to go to Mu now. Really the fact that you're here is just a formality." The Grim Reaper explained, "So let's just-"

"I would have been God!" Light shouted, "I would have creating a perfect world in my own image! Me, Light Yagami, GOD OF THE NEW WORLD!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Max just stared until the insane young man finished.

"Yeah right, well-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Light interrupted.

Max felt a headache coming on (figuratively speaking of course), "Well you-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

"You-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"Y-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

…

…

…

Everything remained silent for several minutes. Finally, Light appeared to be done with his outburst, and Max felt it was safe to speak up again.

"Okay, you need to come with me now so I can bring you to Mu."

"Fine." Light started to get up, when something caught his eye, "Wait, can I have a last request?"

Max raised an eyebrow, "…Sure I guess."

Light smiled, "Can I have one?"

Max looked to where he was motioning and was surprised to find a bowl of potato chips on his desk.

'How did those get there?'

"Alright." Max answered weakly, really there was nothing else he could say.

"Great!" Light cheered, grabbing a chip, "Now I can take this potato chip…"

He paused for dramatic tension.

"…AND EAT IT!!"

**CRUNCH**

Grinning widely, Light grabbed another chip before Max could stop him, "And now I'll take another potato chip…AND EAT IT TOO!!"

**CRUNCH AGAIN**

"AND NOW I'LL TAKE _THIS _POTATO CHIP…"

'Why me?' Max mentally sobbed, 'Why meeeeeeee?'

SEVERAL HUNDRED INSTANCES OF EPIC FAIL LATER

"AND NOW I'LL TAKE THIS CHIP!!! AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL DO WITH IT MAX?? HUH, DO YOU? DO YOU KNOW????"

"No Light, I don't know," Max sighed, his eye twitching dangerously.

"I'M GONNA EAT IT!!!!!"

**INCREDIBLE EPIC CRUNCH-NESS**

At that point, Max's fingers slowly reached toward his computer as he pulled up Light's file, changed the 'Destination' box from 'Mu' to 'Hell' and in the description wrote:

'_Area filled with nothing but candy, cake, and other sugary products all shaped like the capital letter 'L'. His defeat and subsequent show of groveling for his life at the hands of a shinigami plays over and over again on a giant TV that cannot be shut off or broken. Every ten minutes he experience heart attack like pain only times twenty. The rest of the time is spent being tortured by rabid L fan girls and they should constantly remind him about how he lost to L in the end after all. Also there should be sharks with laser beams attached to their heads for no particular reason.'_

Max smiled...

"…AND THEN I'LL TAKE THIS POTATO CHIP RIGHT HERE!!!!!"

...and then pinched the bridge of his nose in never ending annoyance.

**

SEVERAL THERAPY SESSIONS LATER

"Uh…Max?" Ellie called from across the hall, "You have another charge."

At that, Max immediately tensed, if this was another Kira or Kira supporter or Kira anything at all, he was going to completely lose it. As he silently spazzed, a timid knock at the door sounded, breaking him from his thoughts. Max looked up and his jaw almost dropped.

"Uh…hi Max." The young boy waved nervously.

"Harry?" Max asked, not daring to believe it.

Harry Potter rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah…I'm really sorry I'm back, I just…"

"HARRY!" Max screamed.

Before Harry knew it, the Grim Reaper had tackled him into a rather uncharacteristic hug.

"You have NO IDEA how happy I am to see you." Max sobbed joyfully.

"Uhhh…" Was all Harry could say.

**

**A/N: For the record, this story is NOT canon to 'In Time', it's just a funny idea I had to play around with Max's character a little more. Nothing that happened here (including the end scene) is going to affect 'In Time'. Just thought I'd clear that up.**

**Review please!**


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